Day 30 - Your reflection in the mirror

Well this is the last one! And probably one of my worst. I apologise to anyone that follows me, or just so happens to see this.

Dear my reflection in the mirror,
I can’t really see anything good about you.
You’re ugly.
Your face is horrible. Gross skin thats starting to get worse again.
You’re stupid. You’re such an idiot its unreal. Yeah everyone kids around about it but at the end of the day you’re annoying. You annoy everyone. All your friends and your family. Yeah you kid around with your friends about it too, but there’s only so much you can take. Even though you do find it funny at times, sometimes its just too often. Too much. Too much of a stupid idiot who can’t do anything for himself.
I mean look at you. You’re going to fail Graphics and you don’t even know what you’re doing for your Textiles exam yet. Thats hardly going to get you the two B’s and a C that you need for university. So yeah, you’ve fucked yourself over there haven’t you?
You’re so weak and pitiful. Just get over yourself and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Like its going to help. Like anything you ever do helps.

It was all your fault, what happened.
You should have tried harder. Been more insistent. Shouted. Screamed. Walked out when you had the chance. Done SOMETHING.
But you didn’t
You should never have trusted him and now look where its got you.
Laying alone letting it haunt your thoughts every single fucking night.
Because you were such a stupid, naive little boy to trust him not only in the first place, but trust him again. Trust him enough for it to happen THREE times.
And you were such a wimp. You were so scared that what he said would happen was true, that you never told the one person that truly mattered. And now he STILL doesn’t know almost 3 years down the line and you can never tell him.
You deserve for it to haunt your mind at night.
Its never going to stop. And you deserve it. Ever last little bit of suffering, because you were too weak to do anything to stop it from happening.

You stupid, ugly, idiot, weak, naive, little annoying boy. Its all your fault.

Day 29 - The person that you want tell everything to, but are too afraid to

Dear the person that I want tell everything to, but am too afraid to,

Well like a few others, this has been done before, so i’ll link it.
http://puffintard.tumblr.com/post/20381303990

From Sam

Day 28 - Someone that changed your life

Dear someone that changed my life,

Well a few people have really, some for better and some for worse.
To all the people who changed it for the best, thank you.
My life wouldn’t be what it is now, and I like how it is. Yeah there are bad things because of the people (or more likely person) who changed it for the worse, but I guess thats just life really.
There are really simple things. Like if I was never with my ex boyfriend, I would have never thought about taking textiles, and I was originally going to take Philosophy. If I hadn’t changed my mind and decided to see what it was like I wouldn’t be going to uni in september to study Costume Design, and its something I really want to do.
So thank you all who changed my life for better. I truly appreciate having you in my life. Without any of you I don’t know where i’d be right now. But I guess thats the same with everyone :)

From Sam

Day 27 - The friendliest person you knew for only one day

Dear the friendliest person I knew for only one day,

Well I can’t really think of anyone to be honest.
Theres only one person I can think of. I dont actually know his name. I think he told me but i’ve since forgot.

When I went for my interview at Bournemouth University, I had to wait for hours for my coach back (I got it about 6 hours after my interview started because I could have been there for about 4, as it was a massive group of us, but I ended up being quite early haha)

So I was waiting there for ages reading my book, The Help, when a homeless guy who looked relatively young came up and shyly asked if I had any change I could give him, which I actually did have so I gave him the few pounds I had left.
I’m always a bit unsure on homeless people, because you can never be sure if they actually are homeless. I’ve heard loads of stories, of people earning so much from begging on the street and never paying any taxes or anything, so i’m always really unsure.
But this time I didn’t really care whether he was homeless or not. The fact was that he could have been, and I had the change so why not?
He was so thankful and so friendly. He actually started coming back to me quite a few times to speak to me, and it was really lovely to have the company whilst I was waiting. He even said I was beautiful haha :’)
Although personally I think he was straight, and he just said that because I helped him out. I thought he meant a beautiful person, as in personality, however he said both inside and out :’) so I just think he was grateful xD
Then later on he said he wished he could have gone home with me, and that he could scrub up well :’)
It was really sweet :)

Anyway, I just remembered this was meant to be a letter TO this guy :’)

Well, thank you for being such nice company whilst I was there, and I hope you’re okay, somewhere safe and warm, and that things have picked up for you since I last saw you. Good luck with everything, and I hope you’re life gets better soon if things haven’t picked up yet. I hope we maybe meet somewhere again in the future, but on different terms. :)

From Sam

Day 26 - The last person you made a pinky promise to

Dear the last person I made a pinky promise to,

LOL. This was Arron last night when I wanted to sit where he was so I could go to sleep, and he made me go get his covers and his birthday cards for him. So I made him pinky promise that he’d let me sit there :’)

I HOPE YOU HAVE A HAPPY BIRTHDAY :D

From Sam

Day 25 - The person you know that is going through the worst of times

Dear the person I know that is going through the worst of times,

Well I found this out friday night, although I already knew you were going through a bad time, I never realised how bad it was. Although I did not actually catch all the details, I just know that its really bad, from what state you were in.

I hope you pull through all of this. You’re such a strong person. You just need to keep on going and you’ll manage. You deserve so much to be happy because you’re one of the kindest people i’ve ever met. You’re lovely, and I wish all the best for you.

From Sam

Day 24 - The person that gave you your favourite memory

Dear the person that gave me my favourite memory,

Well, i can’t really think of one single favourite memory…
So, thank you to all my friends.
Thank you to everyone that has ever been one of my true friends, and who have given me all my great memories.
Even if we don’t talk anymore, I still appreciate the great times we once had.
So thank you :)



From Sam

Day 23 - The last person you kissed

Well I just got in from being out so I can catch up with this properly now haha, even though I have to be up in like 5.5/6 hours :(

Dear the last person I kissed,

Well i’m pretty much just glad we’re still friends!
I’m really glad we still get on and have a laugh like we used to! Its nice :)
I hope we both do well and keep in contact in uni! Cause I mean we’re going to the same one, so we should do :)
Thank you for being my friend

From Sam

Day 22 - Someone You Want To Give A Second Chance To

Well there isn’t actually anyone… So yeah haha

Day 21 - Someone You Judged By Their First Impression

Oh shit. Completely forgot to do this today. …Well yesterday considering its now 12.38am… lol ah well.

Dear someone I judged by their first impression, Well I can’t really think of anyone I’ve done this with right now…. Apart from maybe one person when I first started college… Me and my friends all thought this guy was kind of stuck up and a bit of a dick…but he’s actually lovely and a really cool guy :’) Well anyway, you’re really cool, and lovely and really nice, and I’m sorry about my first impression of you…I feel really bad xD

From Sam

Day 20 - The One That Broke Your Heart The Hardest

Well, its me. I was naive. I wasn’t strong enough to defend myself. And then I made decisions too quickly. I broke his heart and my heart broke at the same time. To get over it I had a rebound. It felt good at the time, but I guess that was because I had someone to distract me.

I get my hopes up too much, to only be let down.

But from all this I have learnt. Maybe the hard way yes, but I’ve still learnt.

Dear me, Just…be more careful in the future okay. I know its still going to be more difficult to get over what’s happened, but…if you ever tell him what happened, well, good luck. I hope one day you find the courage that you don’t currently have, and that it works out okay. If it doesn’t, just remember to put on a smile and carry on, because that’s all you can do.

Be happy and good luck!

From Sam

Day 19 - Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad

Dear someone that pesters my mind - bad,

Well again, i’ve already done this. It pesters my mind every night. I may have the odd night where it doesn’t, but usually it does for an hour or two…

http://puffintard.tumblr.com/post/20342853382/

From Sam

Day 18 - The person that you wish you could be

Dear the person that I wish I could be,

Well really, its me. Just…better.
I wish I could be prettier. Look better. Think better. Not be so dumb. I wish I could actually have people look at me at think “Oh wow, he’s really good looking” or just something better than what I am now.
I wouldn’t change my personality. Sure i’d like to not be such a bimbo at times, but I like who I am inside. People always say i’m really sweet, and I like that.
But I just wish I could be something…more.
Nobody ever looks at me with interest.
I mean yeah, I know i’m not ugly, like at all. But i don’t look good.
I’m just that gay guy with long black hair, who looks like a girl.
But saying that I don’t want to change my hair. I like it. I like how it is and I wouldn’t want to change that for anyone.
But I wish that just once, someone would see me as more than the gay guy who looks like a girl.
I don’t know. I just wish I was better. I wish I was smarter too.
I’m the bimbo of our textiles class, and while it is funny, and it makes me who I am, I sometimes do just sit there and wish I wasn’t so stupid at times. I mean yeah, it is funny and I like joking about it wish my class, because I know they don’t mean anything harsh or mean by it, and I know some of them love me for it. It just sometimes gets to me. Not them themselves, because I could never be mad at them for it, because I like that we joke about it. But me. I just wish I was smarter, and not so bloody stupid.

I don’t know. Everyone wishes they could be prettier and smarter I guess.

But all of that being said, I like who I am. I sort of like how I look, and I wouldn’t want to try and make myself look different, or seem smarter for anybody.

I just wish someone would want all of that.
Blah. I’m sure i’ll find someone. Maybe when I go to uni….

From Sam

Day 17 - Someone from your childhood

Dear someone from my childhood,

This is to two people. My two best friends from when I was a child. The two best friends who ironically, both shared my name. We were the ‘three Sams’ haha :)

Honestly, I won’t say I miss you guys. Not now.
However I do miss being little. Being young and naive. Hanging out with you both almost every day.
We were always together. All through school, until we got to secondary school.

I sometimes wonder what we would have been like if I hadn’t been put into the F Band, or if I had continued to see you both like normal. Its a shame I drifted apart from you both. From what I’ve seen on facebook and when we were in school you guys are still friends, and i’m really glad that you both are :)
I’m sorry I drifted away.
But I mean, I wonder what I would have been like if we were still best friends.
What my growing up would have been like.

Sometimes I think that if i’d stayed with you guys, maybe things would have turned out differently for me. Maybe I wouldn’t have got the group of friends I did from going to Plus. Maybe what happened to me, wouldnt have?
However i must say, because I drifted apart, and because I got that group of friends, I now have some of the best friends I could ever ask for. Sure none of us are perfect, but I love them all.
Laura and Arron are the only two people I still talk to from Plus. We’re all best friends still, and I love it. My other friends are from Textiles, but if I hadn’t of met Arron, I wouldn’t have taken textiles and I wouldn’t have the friends I do today.

My life changed because I was put into the F Band, and i drifted from you guys.
I am sorry for that, but part of me is ever so thankful.

Although the last thing I should say is, well, thanks. Thank you both for being such amazing friends, and thank you for giving me the pleasure of growing up with you both.

From Sam